I have an admission to make: I love cheese. I have fought against my affinity for this delicious dairy product for years now, but I have only found myself slain time and time again by its creamy, gooey deliciousness. Sure, there are vegan soy and tofu-based cheese substitutes out there, but when my body wants a solid slice of colby jack, salsa queso, or mozzarella topping, the fires of hell couldn’t keep me from needing exactly that to satiate my craving. There’s no substitute.
Now don’t get me wrong, I don’t make a habit of eating cheese, as I am well aware of the effects processed dairy products have on the body-- and the cost never outweighs the benefit. As such, I limit my consumption to no more than once or twice a week, allowing it only to make an occasional cameo appearance in my diet. It’s never given the chance to shine as the star of the mealtime show, and I put great effort into moderating the amount and frequency which I eat it.
I mention this because today I want to write about standards of perfection (in the context of any diet.) I know when I’ve initiated any new diet goal, I’ve stringently attempted to keep myself within the set parameters, and any deviation from the given guidelines made me feel guilty, like a failure, like I didn’t have the willpower, motivation, etc.-- what a negative, self-sabotaging cycle!
Ultimately, the redundant process often resulted in admitting defeat and coming out with my head hung low, self-esteem and confidence in myself slammed against the wall-- and who wants or needs that in his/her life? To add, who would EVER want to attempt a plan for healthy, conscious eating if this is the consistent end result?! Not I, said the Charlot.
Listen, I know as well as anyone that when you have certain goals for yourself, having the means for achieving them written out in a specific, black and white guide seems like a godsend. All of a sudden, you have an eruption of hope that shatters the insecurities you once had. You have a PLAN now. A plan that has worked for other people. It’s surefire, right? You build up your aspirations sky-high and don’t even stop to consider that you may not have the inner tools to climb to the top.
Following a diet (or any plan for life change, for that matter) is an interactive process; it’s easy to open your hand and accept the how-to manual, but you’ve got to have the self-discipline, patience, time, and gumption in line first for everything to work according to plan. While I know many of you out there likely have most of these aforementioned ducks in a row in your lives, no one has them all!
So why do we continually hold ourselves to the standard of perfection in approaching these major life changes? I don’t know about you, but I’m beyond the point of being okay with feeling guilty, blaming only myself when yet another diet plan fails. Why? Because that sense of emotional defeat doesn’t just go away once I’ve settled back into old patterns; it continues to infect and bleed into other areas of life, distorting and eroding my self image. It discourages me from putting myself out there to pursue other positive life changes, and ultimately forces me to accept the conditions I am unhappy with as “the way things have to be.” It’s a surefire way of becoming a victim to circumstance, which is one of the most disempowering and depressing states of being to invite into your life. It’s something that we should all be aware of and actively avoid if positive life change is every to be achieved.
In the past few months, I have tried to take a kinder, gentler approach to diet/making life changes, as I feel it’s the only way any of these new attitudes and behaviors will stick around for the long haul (and so far, so good!). The best thing I have found to escape that negative cycle of emotional sabotage is by disengaging from expectations of perfection completely.
By giving ourselves a little wiggle room to mess up, we’re not lowering our standards for ourselves, making excuses, or justifying bad behavior-- we’re simply allowing space for our innate human nature to surface (which is inevitable). The truth of the matter is that plans attempting to incite personal change are not always one-size-fits-all, and they will only work when we tweak them in a way that makes them functional for our lives. It doesn’t make us anything less than our lovely, as-is selves for doing so, and the attitude that it needs to be frowned upon should end now!
That said, even though I may try to eat a mostly raw, sugar-free vegan diet, I’m not going to beat myself up for the occasional bit of cheese. Or cookie. Or wine. As long as it’s regarded as an occasional treat and is not indulged in on a regular basis, ain’t no shame! Think of it like this: as long as you are on the mark 90% of the time, you’ve got no reason to feel badly for the incidental indulgence the remaining 10% of the time.
Labels like ‘vegan’,’raw,’ ‘vegetarian,’ etc. are simply descriptive terms-- why some people internalize them so deeply as all-or-nothing identities I shall never understand. Sure, I get it if a person chooses to be on a strict, 100%-compliant raw/vegan/vegetarian/etc. diet for his/her personal reasons-- and I respect that decision wholeheartedly. However, I don’t believe any single person should be judged if he/she doesn’t “follow the rules” of the diet choice to a T. Food is personal, and we should never condemn one another simply for existing somewhere else on the continuum of what we choose to put into our bodies. Leave and let be, loves.
Making ANY effort towards healthy, conscious living should be encouraged, no matter what degree it is to. It’s a shame that so many out there are discouraged to experiment with veganism or vegetarianism because of they can’t commit to the all-or-nothing mentality; even one day a week devoted to a meat-free, plant-based diet makes an impact on our health and the environment-- which is certainly something to celebrate indeed!
So, to conclude, be gentle and give yourself a bit of leeway when making any life changes. If you deviate a bit on occasion, shrug it off and move on. Find a reason to laugh and keep your heart light. The key source of life in positive change is positivity itself; ensure that runs deep and steady through your life and you’re destined to be met with success.
with metta,
Charlot
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